Dear fellow single parent struggling with mental health,

First: Hi. We don’t know each other, probably because we’d just die if the other knew we belonged to this group. But “Hi” none the less. There’s been enough campaigns to remind us “we are not alone” that I think we all get that by now, right? But, fwiw, Hi!

You are not alone.

Second: Get up off your ass and find yourchildhood friends. If you still have ‘em in your life every week – part of mehates you a-little-bit because I don’t know how you pulled off a career, kidsand friends so well (let’s just leave relationships alone on this one). If youdon’t still have them in your life. Find them. They love you. They probablyneed you.

You may all need each other.

You know who I’m talking about. The oneswho knew you when you were really the most you. The friends who know the stuffyou’re not so sure you want your colleagues to know about. Find them. Find themnow. See what different people you have become. What heartbreaking, andheartbroken people you have become. But also see what inspiring people you havebecome, what people of resilience you have become.

Then see how much of the same people youhave become.

Find them and get them around your kids. Give them a chance to love a version of you that they fell in love with as children themselves; give them a chance to bond with you all over again. Give them a chance to be the aunts and uncles and cousins and tribe that you may not be able to provide the same way, because of the trauma or the anxiety or the history or the abuse that led you to struggle the way we do in brains like ours. Remember those people who love you – that first version of you before you achieved a single thing.

Remember those people who loved you whodidn’t have to; people who might not share your name; but people who will neverlet you live in your shame.

Let them help you remember where you comefrom. Let them open your mind to the good memories lost in the traumatic ones.Let them tell your children the stories you want them to know you by. Let themlaugh with your loved ones and remember what once brought you joy.

My boy Robby makes my boy Rory smarter –pushing him to think strategically and creatively and sometimes evensubversively. My boy Danny reminds Rory how his Dad was never just a Priest,and why he needs to learn discipline if he wants to be an athlete. And althoughFirefighter Sheldon isn’t seen in the Six as much (out in the hinterlands ofBrooklin where there is no internet), he is spoken of almost every day as oflate, one of Rory’s iconic heroes – a firefighter known just as much forDaddy-Daycare.

Single Dad. Single Mom. Single Parent,Guardian, Aunt or Uncle. If you are struggling in isolation with issues ofmental health – seek help. There is help.

But then, no joke, find your childhood, oryour high school, or your college, or your twenty-something friends – the oneswho knew you best. Find them and get them around your kids.

You owe it to them. Help them see youthrough the eyes of those who adore you in all your truth and valour. Find themand let them love you. Your kids will thank you one day.